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Virtue and Comfort
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Fernanda's LiveJournal:

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    Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
    7:00 pm
    Meat Embroidery!
    Does anyone remember the Scottish crafting magazine I found ages ago, with a remarkable picture of a cross-stitch showing cuts of beef? This one.



    And how sad I was that the magazine didn't come with a chart, instead you had to send off for it, and the company had been defunct for a very long time?

    Well, work's been pretty slack so I spent some time with the zoom function and Excel. Enjoy.

    http://1drv.ms/1kKrHUq
    Monday, December 17th, 2012
    5:14 pm
    Story Time with Aunty Nanda!
    I might start posting more, no promises, but I'm specifically putting this here because I want to Tweet it and Facebook is such a pain in the arse to link to.

    (I'm not making light of the tragic events in Connecticut, but there's one brain-breakingly twisted mental image under the cut. You've been warned.) I know a lot of you are upset about what Mike Huckabee said about God and those poor children. I understand that because it was a horrible thing to say, so what I'm going to do is make up a nice Mike Huckabee story so you can feel a bit better.

    Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.Collapse )
    Feel any better now?
    Tuesday, May 31st, 2011
    11:33 am
    The dreaded earworm
    I have been writing up an account of our American holiday of not-quite-doomy-death and have inadvertently learned that "Hang On Sloopy" is not only the official state rock song of Ohio, but also the worst earworm in the entire world. IT'S NOT COMING OUT.



    Anyone got an alternative earworm they can give me instead? You know, just for a change of scenery.

    Also, I learnt that James Thurber started his writing career working for the same newspaper that my cousin-in-law works for now. This makes me obscurely happy.

    (Yes, I am writing this thing again.)
    Saturday, September 4th, 2010
    12:58 pm
    A Crediton Epiphany
    I spent my adolescence thinking I was the heroine of a coming-of-age novel. I now realise I was merely an extra in a magic realist novel.
    Monday, August 16th, 2010
    10:47 pm
    In which I don't understand people.
    Here is a wardrobe in the shape of the Tardis.

    It has 20 reviews. Only ONE of them makes a "bigger on the inside" joke. Was it just so obvious that nobody wanted to go there?

    (thank you hazelstitch)
    Monday, July 19th, 2010
    1:09 am
    Something silly for Sunday
    I've realised that Ben Goldacre should be the next Doctor. If you don't believe me, just look at this picture.
    Wednesday, June 30th, 2010
    11:21 pm
    I wrote something!
    And no, it's not light verse and it's not man-love.

    It's an entry for this contest, to write a story about this picture.

    Scalzorc the SurvivorCollapse )
    Thursday, June 24th, 2010
    1:25 am
    Games People Are Playing
    "I lost The Game. Damn."

    "Last night someone very special came round, and they said we should play the Pronoun Game. So we did, and she made me lose. Damn."

    "Well, in that case...Mornington Crescent! Victor ludorum! Yay!"
    Sunday, June 6th, 2010
    12:34 pm
    Ah, Loathsome Liz, never change.
    If I ever have to explain to anyone exactly what I mean by "Daily Mail lady journalism", I now have a perfect example.
    Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
    8:54 pm
    Jeff just brought me a tiny live snail that he found in the salad greens. I reckon this means we're essentially getting organic for a fraction of the price.
    Thursday, May 27th, 2010
    9:06 pm
    Fun with dactyls
    I have finally managed to write dactylic doggerel that's not obscene. This is a triumph of sorts.

    Dactyl, oh dactyl, hooray for the dactyl
    Hoppity-skippity, bouncy and yay!
    Fun for the family, great for a parody
    Self-demonstration's the Word of the Day. 
    Tuesday, May 25th, 2010
    2:16 am
    Tuesday Hobbes
    "Whatsoever therefore is consequent to a time of Warre, where every man is Enemy to every man; the same is consequent to the time, wherein men live without other security, than what their own strength, and their own invention shall furnish them withall. In such condition, there is no place for Industry; because the fruit thereof is uncertain; and consequently no Culture of the Earth; no Navigation, nor use of the commodities that may be imported by Sea; no commodious Building; no Instruments of moving, and removing such things as require much force; no Knowledge of the face of the Earth; no account of Time; no Arts; no Letters; no Society; and which is worst of all, continuall feare, and danger of violent death; And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short."

    I know that you've all read this one before, but I still think it's beautiful. Although I probably wouldn't have posted it if Jeff hadn't decided that we're going to be reviving his slightly-magical medieval setting under Warhammer FRP rules.
    Friday, May 21st, 2010
    4:22 pm
    Sunday, May 9th, 2010
    11:57 pm
    Paraphrasing Auden
    Caesar's purple slips again
    While an unimportant spouse
    Texts I DO NOT LIKE THIS HOUSE
    In the bleak Silesian rain
    Wednesday, April 28th, 2010
    11:20 am
    Sticky situations
    Ladies and gentlemen, I have a few announcements to make.

    1. 'Mucus' is a noun. As in 'During hayfever season, the human nose can exude copious quantities of mucus.'
    2. 'Mucous' is an adjective, meaning of mucus, secreting mucus, covered in mucus, or in any way resembling mucus.
    3. 'Viscous' is an adjective, meaning thick and sticky, as mucus can be.
    4. 'Vicious' is an adjective, meaning spiteful, aggressive, harmful and similar things that are not nice. Unless a mucous discussion is underway, you probably mean this.

    Thank you.
    Monday, April 12th, 2010
    1:19 pm
    Further dispatches from a part of the internet where many people are wrong
    I'm now wondering whether the phrase "Never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig," is in fact a bowdlerisation of "Never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig likes it," or whether they exist coincidentally and separately.
    Thursday, April 8th, 2010
    11:10 pm
    JESUS FUCK MY EYE CHRIST, IT NEVER ENDS
    I think everyone reading this has a pretty good idea of my feelings about the D-abbreviations, and the sort of people who use them.

    But if you are the sort of person that uses them, could you please just consider holding off in a thread about the Nintendo DS handheld device, and suitable games thereon for small children, because it makes the discourse completely and utterly incomprehensible? The word "son" has only three letters.

    Yours in eternal disdain,
    &c, &c
    Friday, March 26th, 2010
    4:27 pm
    Your Friday Dose of Chesterbelloc*
    Lines to a DonCollapse )
    * * *
    (That one is best read out loud, especially if you can get your voice to shake with rage at "...that dared attack my Chesterton".

    * * *

    The Rolling English RoadCollapse )
    * * *

    And with that, it's a sunny Friday afternoon and I've got no work to do right now, so I'm going to see if I can find a pub with an outside that's open.

    * * *

    *George Bernard Shaw referred to Belloc and Chesterton collectively as Chesterbelloc. This appears to be the first ever use of a portmanteau collective nickname.
    Thursday, March 25th, 2010
    4:32 pm
    And I think to myself, what a wonderful world...


    This is a palm tree made from a carrot and a green pepper.

    Except that it's not actually made from real vegetables, but is a plastic palm tree made from a carrot and a green pepper.

    So it's a fake plastic vegetable tree garnish. Who said surrealism was dead?
    Sunday, March 21st, 2010
    11:52 pm
    Not dead
    Noted without comment, other than to say that Cornhusker Kickback would be a wicked cool name for a band.

    Also, shinyredtype drew my attention to this page of fabulous homoerotic quilting fabric. I think I should persuade Jeff that our flat would be improved by homoerotic quilted sofa-cushions.
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